Cornerstone Christian Counselling Centre
by Keith Martin
What Does The Way I Show My Anger Say About Me?Acorns and Volcanoes
Last month I introduced four types or styles of anger. I also mentioned that the outline for anger I am using is not the only possible way to categorise anger. The four types of anger I will be describing are: Volcanoes, Acorn Collectors, Tigers and Slow to Burn but Slow to Let Go. I also want to repeat several cautions I mentioned last month. No one anger profile or style is perfect. Each style contains harmful, and possibly devastating, ways for dealing with anger.
Another caution is to imagine that we always use one style of dealing with anger. In fact we can switch from one style to another, sometimes very suddenly, depending upon the situation. We may also act one way in one place and entirely differently in another place. I will be discussing volcanoes and acorn collectors this month. Next month I will talk about tigers and slow to burn and slow to let go people.
Volcanoes are the people who react very strongly when they are angry. Their anger burns hot and erupts much like lava would from a volcano. True volcanoes rarely exercise control of their anger. They simply explode once their anger has reached its limit. At the point that a volcano is expressing his or her anger they rarely think about the consequences of what is happening. Their anger is simply seeking an outlet and the target can be anyone or anything that happens across their path at that time.
In essence a volcano is a person who reaches the point where they need to let go of anger. So the ways in which they outlet their anger and who they unleash it against rarely matters. A volcano also tends to excuse his or her anger because it is uncontrollable. If you are a volcano then you want to begin to examine what triggers your anger. You also want to start to recognize how potentially lethal your anger is for those around you. Above all a volcano needs to begin and assume responsibility for how he or she acts when they are angry.
Acorn collectors can resemble volcanoes because they can be explosive. There is a significant difference though, because unlike volcanoes they are not simply explosive. Acorn collectors are like squirrels that are preparing for winter and build a hoard of food. An acorn collector will collect hurts and wounds and as their collection grows so does their anger.
Eventually the acorn collector will loose their anger, most often in an outburst. They do not distinguish between suitable and unsuitable targets for their anger; rather they've had their fill and need to have an emotional outlet. For acorn collectors the question about how appropriate their expression of anger rarely bothers them. For an acorn collector they simply want to release for their stored hurts and frustrations.
Acorn collectors tend to be adept at rationalising their expressions of anger. They come from a place of woundedness and unresolved issues; therefore; they feel entitled to express their anger. Acorn collectors often fail to recognize their internal issues which causes them externalise their anger. The fact that their anger is damaging or expressed inappropriately is not a primary concern for them.
If you are an acorn collector then it is vital that you begin to deal with the underlying issues that fuel the outbursts of anger. It is also important that an acorn collector stop excusing their angry outbursts by putting the blame on external issues or people. A word of caution for acorn collectors; continued refusal to deal with anger issues will often result in an escalating pattern of severity and frequency of angry outbursts.
It is important that you consider honestly what issues you might have with your expression of anger. Yes anger is a part of life and can be expressed legitimately. But if anger controls you and you seem incapable of dealing with anger effectively then it is crucial that you identify your anger pattern. With prayer and the guidance of mature Christians you can see if you fit the profile of a volcano or an acorn collector. Next month I'll talk about tigers and the slow to burn and slow to let go anger patterns.
Keith is a therapist and leads anger management workshops at Cornerstone.
Cornerstone Christian Counselling Centre
258 King St. N.,
519-883-3922
Fax 519-883-3924
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada.
mail: Box 38029 at 256 King St. N. Waterloo Ont. N2J 4T9
For further information contact us at www.cornerstonechristian.ca or info@cornerstonechristian.ca
