Cornerstone Christian Counselling Centre
by Keith Martin MSW, RSW Clinical Social Worker
If I'm A Christian Then Why Am I Still Angry?Part 1
I am a counsellor who has spent hundreds of hours working with people whose lives, and the lives of those around them, have been deeply affected by anger. It has been my experience, both personally and as a counsellor, that the church has often practised spiritual amnesia when it comes to anger. We try to pretend that the anger really does not exist.
Living under the illusion that when we become Christians somehow our sins, pain and character are either magically transformed or they disappear, is not helpful in working out our salvation. The unfortunate cost for us as Christians is that we either excuse anger or become oblivious to anger and it's effect in our lives. What I'm going to share about anger is an excerpt from a workshop on anger that will be offered at Cornerstone Christian Counselling on Saturday, October 27, 2001.
In Ephesians 4: 26 & 27 we are admonished, "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold" (NIV). Notice that we are not commanded to set a goal of not being angry. Yet I have been under the impression when participating in the church that this was somehow the goal.
It is ironic that when the scriptures about anger are examined the angriest person in the bible is God. In fact the word used for anger is identical whether it refers to anger that is attributed to God or humans. Anger is not a part of "the Fall," rather it is a part of God. Remember Jesus at the temple when he was driving out the moneychangers and sellers; Jesus was very angry and displayed that anger very openly and powerfully. Our challenge as Christians is not to ignore or excuse anger but to deal with it righteously.
I want to make an important distinction. Not all anger is similar, yet there is a tendency to treat all anger alike. Let me use an example that is unrelated to anger. If I had a simple cavity I would not go to an oral surgeon, yet neither would I go to a dentist if I needed to have complicated dental surgery. In each case it is a problem with my teeth, but how the problem is fixed would vary. Dealing with anger maybe a relatively straightforward experience, but it may also require some serious, in-depth spiritual work.
If you are reading this and you are aware that anger is a problem, then you need to take some time and look at your anger honestly. It would be wise talk to a mature Christian you can trust to determine the extent and power of your anger. For some attending my workshops is enough, but for others significant lies and wounding need to be dealt with in order to resolve the anger.
I want to end by giving several practical pieces of advice. In my workshop I spend time talking about communication blocks. I cannot outline all of them in this space, but one of the prime issues related to anger is communication. Timing is a tactic that involves either bringing things up at the wrong place (e.g. in front of children or in public) or at the wrong time (e.g. when the person is too busy or tired to respond). Brown bagging is another block that involves gathering hurts and upsets until it all comes out at once, often over small things. It is important that I am willing to take responsibility so that my communication does not create conflict by using anger as a weapon against others.
Finally, whether we are aggressive people, passive people or a passive-aggressive people we cannot escape our pasts. All of these ways of dealing with anger are flawed and a result of our character and experience. I can choose to hold on to anger and rationalise away the angry responses. Or, I can decide to actually deal with the anger and make the changes that will allow me to be angry and sin not.
By Keith Martin MSW, RSW Clinical Social Worker
Keith is a therapist and leads anger management workshops at Cornerstone.
Cornerstone Christian Counselling Centre
258 King St. N.,
519-883-3922
Fax 519-883-3924
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada.
mail: Box 38029 at 256 King St. N. Waterloo Ont. N2J 4T9
For further information contact us at www.cornerstonechristian.ca or info@cornerstonechristian.ca
