Alf Davis
Agape International Christian Counselling
Oakville, Ontario, Canada
by Alfred C. W. Davis MBA, M.Div.
The Father WoundWe all come into the world helpless, dependent and needing: acceptance, to be treated as worthy and to be blessed. The father wound is the absence of this love from your birth father. The wound can be caused by:
neglect — I am unimportant;
absence — divorce, separation, death;
abuse — mental, physical, sexual, spiritual;
control — domineering;
lack of blessings — at various stages of life; and the
lack of affirmation that leads to a lack of self-acceptance.
The effect of a father wound is low self-esteem, a deep emotional pain inside and a performance orientation that makes us "doers" rather than "beings". While salvation makes us new creations in Christ, it does not necessarily address this wound inside. We tend to have four barriers that inhibit the healing of this wound:
Pride — no will to confront or change — I'm alright
Sin — no will to confess or receive forgiveness
The wound itself — emotional hurt inside
Lies — misconceptions about self, birth father and Father God
Instead of going to the pain and receiving the healing that we need, we tend to respond to life events by creating a misconception about our "Self".
Relationship To Our Birth Father
When we hold a conception of our birth father as angry, violent, uncaring, indifferent, distant/withdrawn, absent/abandoning, alcoholic, condemning and/or critical, we tend to believe the following words about ourselves:
I am unworthy
I am stupid
I am incompetent
I am unloved or unlovable
As long as we accept these words as truth, we will experience depressed, anxious and angry lives.
Relationship To God The Father
Often a person's image of God the Father is contaminated by the personal experience he or she has with the birth father. When there is a misconception that God is: watching, judging, angry, unhappy with my sin, fearsome, legalistic, and a discipliner; the words that we tend to believe are:
I am not good enough
I am guilty/shameful
I must work harder to justify myself
As long as we accept these words as truth, we will seek to perform and prove our worth through perfectionism and materialism, or seek addictions to cover the pain.
Addressing The Father Wound
There are three steps to addressing the father wound:
• understanding the heart of God
• inviting Jesus into the wounds created by the birth father
• accepting the truth about one's Self as a child of God
1) The Heart Of God
As seen in the Prodigal son story - we are free to choose our own path
• the Father waits patiently for us to return to him
• when we return, he accepts us unconditionally
• he runs to accept and embrace us
• he values us by celebrating
God's provision for salvation - he loves us first
• we are his beloved creation
• he offers salvation for our sin
• he wants a relationship with us
Jesus as the Wounded Healer - he was tempted by Satan to know our temptations
• he experienced suffering to know our suffering
• he was rejected, mocked, beaten and crucified
• he fully understands our pain and wants to help
• 1 Peter 2:24 "By his wounds you have been healed"
Jesus Heals - when invited into memories, he comes
• when he comes into memories, my clients describe him as: gentle, kind, caring, loving, warm, friendly, hugging, accepting and healing.
When you understand his love - confess to Him the misconception you have had
• receive His forgiveness
• receive His love
2) Invite Jesus Into The Wounds Created By Your Birth Father
Do inner healing for the memories - invite Jesus into the specific memories
• understand the words that you accepted at the time
• ask Jesus to reveal his truth to you.
• receive His truth about who you are
Choose to forgive your Birth Father - for hurtful words
• for hurtful actions
• for not loving you
• for not blessing you
• for affecting your image of God the Father
• Accept Yourself As A Child Of God
Receive the words of truth - I am accepted
• I am chosen
• I am loved
• I am God's creation
• I am precious in His sight
• I am forgiven
• I have been redeemed
• I will never be left or forsaken
• I have an eternal inheritance
• Nothing can separate me from the love of God
As you understand the truth about God's love and know your True Self In Christ, it frees you to let go of the pain and forgive your birth father. The new perspective that is created enables you to see your birth father through different eyes and allows you to live in freedom.
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Pain free memories are possible with Christ-Centered Inner Healing. Now, your memories can be transformed in the privacy of your own home with the help of this guided DVD prayer process. All the steps and prayers are provided so that you and Jesus can do the work together. If you are interested in being free of your pain, you can order this unique new DVD by visiting the Agape Healing International web site as follows: agapehealing.org. |
Alfred C.W. Davis, MBA, M.Div.
Agape Healing International Inc.
111 Prince Charles Drive, Unit 103
Oakville, ON L6K 3X3
www.agapehealing.org
Tel. 905.815.9638
Fax 905.842.9757
Alf Davis is a Clinical Member of AAMFT. He graduated with a Master of Divinity degree from Tyndale Seminary, majoring in counseling. As well as being a therapist, he provides spiritual direction and counseling for pastors and Christian care givers. He is on the Board of Asia Mission Center International and he teaches the seminar, "A Theory and Process of Christian Counseling and Inner Healing" both internationally, at Tyndale Seminary and at local churches.
