Alf Davis
Agape International Christian Counselling
Oakville, Ontario, Canada

by Alfred C. W. Davis MBA, M.Div.

Pitfalls of Pornography Part 2

Pitfall # 3 It Doesn't Take Up Much Time

Pornography is a seductive addiction that grows slowly. It starts off like all addictions as a little thing that is controllable. But, over time, what originally provided sexual satisfaction loses its power and a more powerful experience is needed. Internet users start out "just doing a little exploring of the net" and before long they are spending two, three and four hours at a time captivated by this new activity. Men describe pornography as a "force" that comes over them and once it has been put into motion, nothing can stop it until they have completed orgasm. Then, the guilt and shame take over. Part of the time consumption is in the actual involvement in looking at pornography and the related masturbation. A second consumer of time is the cover up and the remembering of lies to keep the addiction hidden. Thirdly is the mind consuming ritual of fighting the mental thoughts until the addiction wins again and the person finally gives in. In fact, the mind struggle can become so all consuming that the person has trouble working and living a normal life. In the more risk taking cases, the addiction leads to massage parlours, strip bars with lap dancing, the use of prostitutes and dirty telephone calls or internet exchanges. What started out as a harmless wondering often grows into a life consuming monster that is uncontrollable and has the potential to end marriages, end relationships and even life itself with diseases such as HIV.

In addition, these advanced addictions can become a huge financial burden as the person spends beyond their financial means to feed something that can never be satisfied.

Pitfall # 4 It Is Not A Spiritual Thing

The world talks about the value of sexual freedom and TV shows like "Sex In The City" encourage promiscuity as good and healthy activities for liberated people. On the other hand, Ted Roberts, a senior pastor of a congregational church in Oregon, says in his book "Pure Desire", "Godπs image male and female is revealed on planet earth when a husband and wife come together in the covenant relationship of marriage". He says God is not uptight about sex, because he invented it. But, sex is a gift from God that needs to be celebrated in the covenant relationship of marriage. Is it any wonder that Satan and his forces use pornography to try to undermine the image of God by attempting to destroy marriages and healthy male and female relationships. Pornography is not just a worldly activity, it is also a spiritual battleground where the image of God is being attacked.

Pitfall # 5 It's A Simple Thing That Can Just Be Stopped

People who tell a user of pornography to stop may find that the person can stop for a day or a week or even a month. But, then it returns even worse than before. Dealing with pornography is much more complex than just telling the person to stop. Like most addictions, the roots of the problem need more than just behavioural changes. Listed below are four areas that need to be addressed when dealing with the addiction of pornography:

1. The Roots
   a) the family dysfunction
   b) the personal wounds and traumas (pain that needs
   covering)
   c) the influence of our addictive society & culture
   
   
2. The Destructive Core Concepts
   a) belief of worthlessness
   b) belief of being unlovable
   c) the loneliness
   d) the sexual high received from the experience
   
   
3. The Addictive Cycle
   a) the fantasy
   b) the ritual
   c) the hiding
   d) the shame and guilt
   
   
4. The Addictive Cloak
   a) denial
   b) delusion
   c) blame
   d) fear

All these areas need to be addressed for a permanent solution, and even then, it may take a number of years for the person to achieve victory. An addiction to pornography is one of the most difficult challenges a person can face. Just as an alcoholic cannot stop drinking on his/her own, a person who is fighting an addiction to pornography needs help. He/she needs support, understanding, forgiveness, committed friendship and professional help as he/she wrestles with this incredibly persistent problem.

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Alfred C.W. Davis, MBA, M.Div.
Agape Healing International Inc.
111 Prince Charles Drive, Unit 103
Oakville, ON  L6K 3X3
www.agapehealing.org

Tel. 905.815.9638
Fax 905.842.9757

Alf Davis is a Clinical Member of AAMFT. He graduated with a Master of Divinity degree from Tyndale Seminary, majoring in counseling. As well as being a therapist, he provides spiritual direction and counseling for pastors and Christian care givers. He is on the Board of Asia Mission Center International and he teaches the seminar, "A Theory and Process of Christian Counseling and Inner Healing" both internationally, at Tyndale Seminary and at local churches.