Elijah House
The Power of the Cross
Through the Spirit and the Word
Working to Heal and Restore Families
www.elijahhouse.org

The Father's Love-for Me

by Katherine Cranford

I'm an evangelist. Prophetic exhortation, invitation and encouragement are in my blood. For a number of years, I've been telling anyone who would listen (and, truth be told, a good few who wouldn't) that, because of the things that are coming, we must know our God more deeply, more surely, than ever before-not just loving Him, but being in love with Him. Because this has long been my passion, my heart leaps in an excited "Yes!" when I hear someone else speaking these same words.

That "Yes!" happened just yesterday when I first read an article by John Sandford where he says that Father God "is looking for a people who will come to Him, who will be loved and cherished, and by that, become able to stand" (emphasis mine). But when I read it again this morning, I realized that the tug on my heart came from more than the confirmation of what it will take to stand; it came from the words "who will be loved and cherished."

We are all loved and cherished. Each of us was fashioned individually, uniquely able to bring joy to our Father's precious heart. So what does this mean, "who will be loved and cherished"? Speaking from the midst of what may be the most astonishing, yet peaceful, place in my amazing thirty-year journey into the heart of God, I can say that it has to do with the fact that none of us believes, in the hidden depths of our hearts, that we, personally, could be loved by God if He could really see (which, of course, He can) who and what we are.

Oh yes, most of us have known better than that-in our heads-since twenty minutes after we got saved. But a lifetime of believing utterly in our unworthiness, of building coping and defense mechanisms worthy of the world's mightiest armies, does not die overnightand for many, it will die not at all. THIS is the voice of one crying in the wilderness: Stop explaining, stop excusing, stop denying, stop defending yourself against HIM! We do this, even as we weep and yearn to be close to Him. I have intimate knowledge of this fact.

It was when I'd grown oh, so weary of this sense of something so often rising up to ambush me just when I was wanting to hurtle myself into my Father's arms, that I began pleading with Him to show me what it was, at any cost. I had gradually become aware that it was always the same something, and I told God I wanted to stand before His Judgment Seat now, not later, to be freed from whatever it was. As long as I've known the Lord, my desire has been to be stopped, corrected, transformed, and I know that He's taken me at my word. But I also knew that this request was going to require from me a degree of ruthless honesty and defenselessness I'd never before been able to contemplate, let alone attempt.

You may wonder why, with that kind of desire, it's taken me so long to come to this place-I know I did! But I think it has to do with where I began my journey in the first place, and how much loving history I've had to build with my precious, patient Father in order to be able to trust Him to the extent of being willing to face open-heart surgery without an anesthetic. What anesthetic? Well, any one of those I mentioned above: Explaining, Excusing and Denying-all different brand names for the generic Self-Defense.

I'm still on the operating table, but I can tell you what I've learned so far, and that is that we all, like our parents Adam and Eve, still put on fig leaves and call it good. We're so busy looking at-and trying to cover up-our own imperfection, we can't receive, or even truly believe in, His amazing loveno, make that LOVE! And now that I'm getting to peek under my fig leaf, I see that that pesky something that's stumbled me so often is none other than self-hate.

Oh yes, I long ago learned about the need to forgive myself for various blunders and shortcomings along the way, and have sincerely tried to practice that as the need arose (which often seemed to be at an alarming rate), but this is more than that. This has to do with the core of my perception of who I am and my value in the scheme of things, or, more to the point, in the heart of God. Over the last so many years I've forgiven father, mother, siblings, bullying schoolmates, etc.-the usual suspects. Now I'm having to forgive myself-for not being the kind of child my mother wanted; for not being perfect enough for my father; for not being worth defending; for not being good enough to be seen or heard or protected; for not being lovable just as I wasand at last letting go of everyone else's hopes, demands and expectations for me so that I can love who God created me to be.

I can't tell any of you how to let go, I can only tell you that you must. Besides, I'm certain that there are as many different recipes as there are people. The process of being drawn closer, invited deeper, known, is so intensely personal, and so impossible in the strength of our own minds, only He can bring it about-with just a modicum of cooperation on our part. We may kick and squirm and cry a lot, but if in the deepest recesses of our hearts our desire is for Him, we'll make it. I know this for sure, because one morning when I was moaning, "Lord, will you ever be able to make me fit for human consumption?!" (I promise you, those were my exact words) as I made my way out to the kitchen to sit with a mug of coffee and the Word, He spoke: "Go to Philippians."

"But Lord," I said, "we finished that book yesterday." "Go to Philippians." Ever (eventually) obedient, I opened to Philippians, and there, on the first page, my eye landed right on chapter 1, verse 6, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." It had even already been underlined-by me, of course. But when I'd underlined it the first time, it was because it brought comfort to my mind; now it could bring comfort to my soul.

That was several years ago, and I've hung onto that many times when my awareness of some internal blockage threatened to out-holler my awareness of His hand in my life. But now, through no fault of my own, something wonderful has been happening as I lie still and let my lovely, loving Lord perform laser surgery on my hidden parts. And as I become aware of Him in all those places, I also become aware that, far from being appalled and burdened with having to "act" loving (can't we be amazingly stupid?), He's overjoyed at being allowed to carry out my garbage. And not because He's picky and likes everything to be just so; because He's crazy about me and loves to see me free and clean and beautiful.

So. This is the bottom line: If I will not let Him into every part of me, if I reserve the right to continue to hate myself, I can never even begin to know, in my heart of hearts, the height and breadth and depth of my Father's love for me. And you know the commandment to love my neighbor as myself? I'll be unable to obey it. No, this won't do. I intend to be in the company of those who "will be loved and cherished" - that is, those who know they are!

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For more information about Elijah House...
Phone: (208) 773-1645; Fax: (208) 773-1647
9:00 AM to 5:00 PM pacific standard time, Mon-Fri.
General Email: ehinfo@elijahhouse.org

Elijah House
17397 W Laura Ln
Post Falls, ID, USA 83854
208-773-1645
fax 208-773-1647
http://www.elijahhouse.org