Mark Allen Laing
Marriage and Family, Mood Disorders, Male Issues
905-319-1488 ext. 227
email: thelaings@sympatico.ca

Pornography: Men Who Crave

We live in a sexual world. We have movies with sex, magazines with sex, television programs with sex, billboards with sex, even radio disc jockeys who speak incessantly about sex. There have been government surveys examining our sexual preferences and appetites and books that teach us how to have "better, more erotic, more sensual" sex. Our music glorifies sex. Our reality television promotes sexuality. We are swimming in it. We live in the eye of a sexual storm that is brewing in the hearts of men all over North America and pornography is a pressure front that is causing the storm to increase!

It is estimated that pornography is a 12 billion dollar industry annually and that cyberporn is growing at an alarming rate of 20% per year. Somewhere between three to six percent of North Americans are sexually addicted. This represents about 14 million Americans and almost 2 million Canadians. 'Sex" is the number one topic "searched" for on the internet. An amazing 50,000 people are reported chatting on the 500 to 700 sex talk lines each day. 98.9% of the consumers of on-line pornography are men. 94% of males aged 15 to 19 are exposed to pornography. In a nutshell, pornography is pervasive and relatively a male problem that is introduced early in life and is financially lucrative for those producing it.

What makes cyberporn so alluring? Alvin Cooper claims it is "anonymity, accessibility and affordability." (Referred to as the "Three A's.") Anonymity is essentially untrue. The myth is that nobody can find out who you are when you are on-line or what sites you access. Sophisticated technology can track users with little difficulty. Accessibility is attractive because we can choose the most convenient place for viewing in hopes we will not be discovered. Of course, affordability is a very attractive part of the cyperporn marketing strategy. Anyone can afford it since it is either free or offered at a very low price.

Perhaps for many young teens that venture into pornography for the first time, there may be an element of sexual curiosity sparked by hormonal changes. It could also be fueled in part by a curiosity about what a female looks like naked. But even in adolescence, it could be sparked by the attitudes of other males towards females within the same household. A father who speaks demeaning of women may bring about an attitude that sees women as objects and only having value for appeasing male sexual desires. Having pornographic magazines or videos within the house may also provide opportunity and frequent access to material that will eventually prove to be harmful. Parents often think that such material is hidden, but curious kids will sometimes "snoop" in mom and dad's room only to uncover a stash of pornographic material.

The question still remains, why would any man get involved with pornography? Why want something that is unreal? What is the "draw?" Is it about sexuality that has gone astray somehow? Is it fear of intimacy? Is it natural? Or is something else going on?

In this series of articles we will explore the nature of pornography allurement and discover together, what is really going on in the world of men when it comes to pornography? We will also explore its effects on men personally as well as for their marriage and family and discuss what can be done to help those addicted to it. Our next article will begin with an examination of "addiction." Understanding how addictions work can provide helpful information and strategy to end what feels like a hopeless cycle. But hang in there because it is not hopeless!

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Mark Laing is an individual and family therapist at the
Bayridge Family Centre in Burlington Ontario, Canada.
He appears every Thursday on the 100 Huntley St. TV program
commenting on Family Matters. You can see the programs at www.crossroads.ca