Mars Hill Centre
www.marshillcentre.com
www.marshillcentre.com
Abused Boys
How Childhood Sexual Abuse Affects Men Part 2
One of the main reasons our ministry concentrates on facilitating recovery groups is that it takes a village to raise an inner child! We cannot heal in isolation. At some point in the process we need to tell our story to a "real person" and know that we are heard and accepted. (Sorry, for the sake of this article "real people" are peers, not trained professionals.) In our groups, men and women share that one of the most significant things for them was that, as they listened to the stories of others, they realized they were not alone. And because they were not alone, and because others had faced their pain and survived, they could too!
I'll leave you with the account of one of the brave men that has participated in our groups. This article was published in the spring/summer newsletter for the Mars Hill Centre.
A Few Good Men
(by Geoff G.)
"It was with a great deal of anxiety that I attended my first "Wounded Heart for Men" group meeting in October of 2001 at the Mars Hill Centre. I had been in therapy for approximately 4 years, having been brought to my knees by alcohol and drug addictions. Questions fed my ego, such as, "what is wrong with me", "shouldn't I be better by now," "was I sexually abused", but mostly, "where have you been in my life God?" Counsellors had told me that they thought I had been abused, but I had no memory of actual physical sexual abuse. Perhaps psychological and emotional sexual abuse, but not physical. How bad could that be? Wasn't there a big difference? Was I being unmanly?
Doubt aside, I knew that something was still troubling me and wanted to know why. I was very confused.
And so our group began, fears and all. We met every Monday night for an hour and half. I found some weeks simply awful, sharing my story and emotions with men that I had just met. Other weeks were hardly better when other men would tell their stories of betrayal by the people who supposedly loved them most.
As the weeks progressed however, I felt a trust develop between the individual members of the group. We opened up to each other. The dynamic seemed to give me a level of comfort in doing my reading and preparation for the following week. When asked to share I was guided to do so by a power greater than myself and I began to heal. I was an amazing process.
For me, the most profound experience at "Wounded Heart" was learning that I really did have a dark secret. I had been sexually abused. I learned this fact from hearing the other guys and myself share, and our written material. Dr. Dan Allender, the author of "The Wounded Heart" described the four stages of my abuse and how insidious the scenario was. He told me that I had been "set-up" by my abuser for her pleasure. My shame melted away as I read and shared with my new friends.
It was also important for me to learn that it was not my fault. Being typical of abused children who have been "adultified" (Allender, pg.93), I was a super-responsible kid who took care of everyone else. This shortcoming is present in my adult life. I am working through this today having learned that I am precious. I try to take care of myself first.
My secret is out. I have much yet to do in coming to repentance. Nonetheless, I am well off for having taken the risk to share 16 Monday evenings with the guys at Wounded Heart for Men. Thank-you guys, Cheryl and Jesus.
-Geoff G.
The Mars Hill Centre is a outreach, recovery centre located in the trendy, urban Old Strathcona Area of Edmonton. Since 1995 we have connected with people who are interested in spirituality and healing but may be wary of a typical church. We offer a variety of recovery groups throughout the year aimed at healing hearts, restoring relationships and creating community. Also, we connect with our nation through the 'Native Healing Connection' a nation-wide referral line for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. (NHC is a project of World Vision Canadas' Aboriginal Programs.)
Cheryl Shea, M.Div.
Team Leader
Mars Hill Centre
address: Box 4400, Edmonton, AB T6E 4T5
phone: 780-435-0202
office location: 8318-104 Street (basement Strathcona Baptist Church)
email: cheryl@marshillcentre.com
