Mars Hill Centre
www.marshillcentre.com
www.marshillcentre.com
Why Does God Allow Sexual Abuse?
Sometimes it seems that Jesus can take just a little to long responding to our urgent pleas. After all, when his friend Lazurus was sick and dieing he waited too long. Lazurus died. Martha and Mary, the grieving sisters said, " Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died." They knew that a simple word from Jesus would have changed the situation.
Of course Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. His life was restored and he was reunited with his sisters. But Jesus took the time to respond to Mary and Martha's questions and so should we.
The sisters' question is one that is asked and wrestled with by everyone who has been sexually abused. "God, if you are a loving and powerful God why did you let this happen to me?" It is difficult to deal extensively with an answer to this question in such a short article, but it needs to be addressed.
Many sexual abuse victims answer this question by saying that they were somehow responsible for the abuse. I've heard men and women say that, as a five-year-old child, they had been too provocative and encouraged the abuse. Especially for Christians its easier to think that "its my fault" than to believe that somehow God could have stopped it and he didn't.
If you work with sexual abuse victims you need to understand, so you can help them understand, that no matter what their age it was not their fault. Sexual abuse is an act of violence against a person's body and soul. Whether the abuser uses threats, promises of intimacy or some other form of coercion the abuser was the one with the power to stop the abuse and didn't.
The other person who could have prevented or stopped the abuse is the non-offending parent (or parents). Ninety-one percent of sexual abuse happens in some relationship of trust. In other words the victim has a relationship of some type (parent, step-parent, coach, uncle or aunt, teacher, pastor etc.) with the abuser. The victim is often drawn to this relationship because it meets emotional intimacy needs that are not being met in the family. The abuser uses this as a lure to catch the victim in its web of deceit. Soon the victim is trapped and the cycle cannot be broken without outside intervention.
I have often heard survivors share that they had cried every time their mom left them with their uncle, aunt or babysitter. But their cries for help went unheeded.
It comes as no shock to anyone reading this that we no longer live in paradise. After Adam and Eve were served their eviction notice from the Garden, sin began to have its consequences in the lives of humanity. One of these consequences is that rather than being directly "parented" by God, we are primarily to be parented by our earthly fathers and mothers. They have been given authority by God to protect us, provide for us and nurture us. God does not often usurp his delegated authority from any of us. When he does we rightly call it a miracle.
Parents are to model for us the character of our heavenly parent God. Consequently, when, as parents (or all adults for that matter) fail to protect a child it is we, not God who has failed.
This is not to make parents feel bad or inadequate. Parenting is a difficult task; mostly learned on the job and taught by other less than perfect people. The unfortunate effect of sin is that none of us will ever be a perfect parent. Over-protecting a child can be as damaging as not protecting a child at all.
I say all this to help paint a picture that all abuse is somehow the result of the intentional or unintentional misuse of God given authority. In the Old Testament God continually reminds his people to take care of the widows and the orphans the ones in society without authority. Sexual abuse happens becomes someone with authority used it to tear down someone else. Of course it is the abuser. But it could equally be a passive mother who chose to ignore the symptoms of abuse in her child in order to keep the family together.
Really, the question is not, " God, why did you allow this to happen?", but why do we?
The Mars Hill Centre is a outreach, recovery centre located in the trendy, urban Old Strathcona Area of Edmonton. Since 1995 we have connected with people who are interested in spirituality and healing but may be wary of a typical church. We offer a variety of recovery groups throughout the year aimed at healing hearts, restoring relationships and creating community. Also, we connect with our nation through the 'Native Healing Connection' a nation-wide referral line for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. (NHC is a project of World Vision Canadas' Aboriginal Programs.)
Cheryl Shea, M.Div.
Team Leader
Mars Hill Centre
address: Box 4400, Edmonton, AB T6E 4T5
phone: 780-435-0202
office location: 8318-104 Street (basement Strathcona Baptist Church)
email: cheryl@marshillcentre.com
